Some people are just gross. You might say, "gee, Jackie, I think that is rather obvious, don't you?", to which I will retort, "yes, of course; however, it isn't often that I get mad at others' grossness/rudeness. Their grudeness , if you will.
Last night at work, the clock struck midnight, so all glass must immediately become plastic. This woman really wanted a lemonade, but was not satisfied with her plastic cup. She opted to just dump the plastic cup into her previously attained glass. The problem: now she has two straws.
So what does she decide to do?
Because RIVERSIDE CASINO AND GOLF RESORT's lemonade (read: sugar and lemon flavoring out of a generic-branded box) is apparently just so finger-lickin' good (alert the presses), she proceeds to lick the straw up and down, full 360, (needless to say) blow-job style (sorry, Ma), and hand it to me.
Now, I'm sure you're thinking, oh God, did you vom all over her? You'll be sad to know I did not; though looking back, I sort of wish I would've. I think this makes me awesome. Not only did I take her goddamn straw (which I should've just demanded she put on my tray herself), I did it with a smile that could elicit rainbows from grumpy leprechauns.
The broad didn't tip.
Later on, I had to tell myself that I was better looking and more educated and she probably just couldn't handle it. I'm sure this doesn't seem like a big deal; we've all done grosser things. Just let me revel for a bit and dream of one day using my degree.
After a day like that, sometimes the only thing that can make you feel better is a little Jay-Z. I mean, seriously, that man is turning into a legend. It's like I woke up one day and understood why Beyonce is into that. It's 2010 and I'm still wiping the dirt off my shoulders because ladies is pimps, too. I hope that advice is bestowed upon my unborn children. Kids, listen to mommy. Now gon' brush yo' shoulders off.
And also...you saw me :)
ReplyDelete